My body forever carries a scar. A reminder of the anticipation of meeting you, a reminder of the anxiety of will I be enough?
Then you arrive and it is everything and nothing like I expected. It is SO MUCH HARDER and SO MUCH MORE LOVELY than I could have ever dreamed.
I prepared for your arrival, I scanned registry ideas, took a survey of what I should register for, analyzed the results, organized and decorated. I naturally nested, the hubbs bent over backwards to make my nursery design a reality.
I DIDN'T KNOW I NEEDED TO PREPARE FOR THE CHANGES MY MARRIAGE WOULD TAKE ONCE YOU ARRIVED.
I wasn't ready for the frustrated glances as our baby screamed every night. He just wanted her to stop crying, with every look I felt: "Why did we do this? Why don't you know what to do?" I felt like a failure. That feeling can be overwhelming, but I promise it's the hormones talking, your hubbs doesn't think of you as a failure.
I PROMISE HE STILL LOVES YOU
I PROMISE HE JUST WANTS THE BABY TO STOP SCREAMING
I PROMISE YOU WILL GET YOUR MARRIAGE GROOVE BACK
I also promise it will take work. I know, I know, like you don't have enough on your plate already. Hear me out. Your hubby was probably the center of your universe before your first little one arrived. He misses that. I am so very fortunate to be in a marriage that is loving, fun and fair. We stop in the middle of hurt feelings and talk about our expectations and desires from each other, this is invaluable communication. I am so blessed to have a love like his.
As our second marriage anniversary approaches I can't help but think back to the very moment he decided to call me forever his. He tells me it was one act of love. One act of love that I found to be quite small, something I honestly thought nothing of.
I gave him a pedicure.
That's it! I joke that I would have done that MUCH SOONER if I knew that would prompt a proposal! Joking aside I learned, loud and clear, what his love language was. Acts of Service. Yet, when we brought home our bundle guess who was cooking and cleaning? My Mr.
How someone receives love, and gives love can be two very different things. Those first few months were trying, we didn't fight... it was just different, and I missed "us". Little by little I started feeling myself again, I was able to start small and work in little acts of service to show my love again in a way he receives it best.
Love is a beautiful thing, fight for it. Choose love over resentment, don't allow negativity of "he should be helping with 'this' or he should be doing 'that' enter your thoughts. Love doesn't owe you anything, love is something to be given.
I promise it's worth it. I promise it gets better... only 4 short months into parenthood I already feel our love is now stronger, bigger, more lovely than it ever was.