"Humphries, it's time to go down stairs...but you have to float, backwards, very slowly" This was my hubbys way of showing this tired mamma I had LOST IT. I lived in fear of our sweet howler monkey waking up... I just wanted sleep, oh how I missed it.
I made requests like, shutting the windows and setting the alarm way too early in the evening because she happened to wake up every time we did that.
To turn down the TV volume slowly so it didn't go from noise to nada. (this is the very request that brought on the stairs comment to Humphries)
To keep the bathroom fan on after a shower because she liked the noise.
YET SHE WOULD SLEEP THROUGH A HOME REMODEL.
What I didn't know was making me nutters.
I didn't know that her blank stare into space, eyes glazing over, was her first sign of needing to go down for a nap.
I didn't know that an overtired bambino will fight sleep like she's just been entered into the hunger games.
I didn't know that my amazement for which milk shot out of my body could actually be why peanut was so fussy. THANK GOD a girlfriend/coworker called me and told me to feed for a few minutes, burp her, then continue...the gulping needed a burp break or it would turn trapped air and screaming fits.
I didn't know letting her cry for a few minutes she would calm down and sleep for her first 5 hour glorious stretch. TWICE in one night... 10 hours people, for a 5 week old. I feel like a new woman.
Knowing I wasn't alone mattered
I've been accepted into a mommy club I didn't know existed.. a beautiful encouraging support system of friends, acquaintances, and strangers cheering me on. While moments of frustration quickly crept in, I heard those words play over and over in my head, "it gets easier"... "stick with it, you're doing great!"... "I went through the same thing" Thank you for every encouraging word.
I received advice that has been invaluable, gifts of fellow moms favorite things to get me through, weekly food delivery from my parents, and a hubby that lets me "tap out" when I need to.
Now only just over a month into this journey, with 6 pounds to lose to get back to pre-pregnancy weight, I'm starting to feel like myself again. I'm starting to feel like I've got this!
I will say the most encouraging email I received was another new mom telling me she didn't really like her baby the first month, she loved her baby, but this was hard. Hard on her marriage and her sanity. This was the first moment I felt like I wasn't alone, thank God for transparency in friends. I needed to hear that.
You're not alone, it gets easier, you can do this!