Today I found myself weeping.
Weeping in the beauty of true rest. As a mom and a wife, I find now more than ever my title is "Cheif Do-er". Let me tell you, I'm not great at doing. I'm a dreamer, I love to create, and to serve. Serving and doing, are very different to me.
Serving is done with joy, doing is done out of lists and obligation.
I have found the to-do list too long, too overwhelming, too demanding. I found myself doing nothing. I felt paralyzed in my motherhood, in being a wife, for heaven sake I have even forgotten to feed the dogs in the morning when I should have.
I started to live inside my head, my world became too small, it was all too much, and I was doing too little.
The simple daily norms fell out of sorts, the coffee was never set the night before (not by me anyway), the house was cleaned out of obligation (and not well), the meal planning was never planned. I have so many thigs so overdue, thank you gifts, hospital visits to family... and I've done nothing, I've only let those weigh on my shoulders.
I desperately needed to recharge. I needed a good cry, a good pity party, a good friend to understand, and to REST.
I decided to handle my SAHM status like I used to handle projects at work, my version of control. I would create a weekly schedule, rotating the cleaning, planning, shopping. Then I surprised myself, I scheduled time for a morning devotional. I put on the You Make Me Brave album by Bethel Music, and opened my She Reads Truth tab on my browser... not sure I could be more trendy in my approach to God.
I found myself weeping, reading the Rest in Truth devotional and hearing *A Little Longer play in the background. It was like a giant hug just when I needed it. I found myself relaxing, allowing myself to weep, rest, and recharge. I thought I needed to control the situation better, and God found a way to tell me I needed to recharge.
"What can I do for you? You don't have to do a thing, simply be with me and let those things go"
- A little longer lyrics
“Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, 42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
-Full story - Luke 10:38-42
Everywhere I turned. REST.
I'm still going to finish my weekly cleaning, planning, shopping calendar. Now it will have moments to rest, recharge, reconnect.
Have you found ways that work for you? How do you find your rest? How do you recharge?
*the version I linked to A Little Longer is an older version that I've always loved, the album version is great, but this one just moves me.
** I almost waited to finish the spreadsheet so I could share it in this post, there I go again... doing.